And the man nodded and moved on and nobody at that table noticed anything at all, and I was standing about six feet away with a plate in my hand.
Ten years of we, from me, in rooms, about a list of weeks.
And one word from him at a buffet, which nobody heard but me.
Why I would not look.
And I have had fourteen months and a woman called Nuala on Wednesdays and I can get to it now.
It was not that I could not bear it.
It is that by the March of 2019 I had already had three, and I had worked out that the way through was to not let them be people.
And that was not cowardice. It is a thing that works and it got me through 2020 and 2022.
And on the fourteenth of March, 2019, a woman came in and asked me whether I wanted to see my daughter, and I knew — I knew in about one second — that if I did, she would be a person, and then there would be a person who had died, and I would have to carry her instead of carrying a thing that had happened.
