I remembered the sweater.
Green wool.
Sleeves hanging beyond my hands.
Clara went on. “I thought if I tried too hard, you would believe I wanted to replace her. If I did too little, you would think I did not care.”
“So you did nothing.”
“I stayed too far away.”
It was not an excuse.
It was an admission.
“I convinced myself distance was respectful,” Clara added. “Then the years passed, and every attempt felt more awkward than the last.”
I remembered Christmas mornings.
Clara always wrapped my presents in brown paper because Mom had done the same.
She baked cinnamon rolls using Mom’s recipe but never accepted credit.
She kept my childhood artwork framed in the hallway.
At graduations, she stood at the edge of every photograph.
I had interpreted each backward step as rejection.
Perhaps some of it had actually been fear.
Perhaps some of it had belonged to me as well.
