On my wedding night I hid under the bed to surprise my husband. His mother came in instead, sat down on the mattress above me, and put a call on speaker.

Then I reached into my clutch and took out my phone.

The recording app was still running. Eleven minutes and forty seconds.

I had started it before I hid, because I thought I might want to keep his reaction to my stupid prank and play it at an anniversary.

It had got every single word instead.

When I finally crawled out, my dress was grey with dust down one side and the veil had a tear in it.

I stood in front of that mirror and wiped my face and something in me went very calm and has largely stayed that way since.

My name is Maris and I am thirty-one and until about eleven twenty that night I would have told you I was the luckiest woman at that wedding.

The thing I have not been able to explain to anybody is the four seconds before the lighter.

Because for those four seconds I was still planning to come out.